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A Caregiver’s Guide To Preventing PTSD

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Can you get PTSD from caregiving? If so, how do you minimize the risk of becoming affected by this disorder?

Did you ever think you would be at risk of post traumatic stress disorder just by being the caregiver for a loved one? I bet it didn’t even enter your mind when you took over the role, especially if it was something that you really wanted to do.

In most cases, caregiving should be a peaceful process where the one in care gets to enjoy quality time with his loved ones at the dawn of life. This is the ideal scenario right?

But for a lot of people, depending on the conditions of the one in care, caregiving can be an excruciating and stressful process. The aftermath of which can leave the caregiver in a state of prolonged stress that can border on PTSD or prolonged grief disorder (PGD).

Although there is little research about the post-traumatic stress that may follow after caring for a loved one, several experts (such as Christine Sanderson of Cavalry Health Care in Sydney) have acknowledged that it does exist.

Why Is This Different?

A lot of people tend to think that caring for their loved one shouldn’t be as different as caring for small children. After all, they are both 24/7 jobs that require them to look after someone. If they succeeded at the former, wouldn’t that mean they are prepared for the latter?

Well, quite simply, children grow up and gradually learn to do things for themselves. Each little milestone is usually celebrated as their parents know they’re on their path to independence.

However, looking after a loved one, be it a parent, partner or spouse, is a whole new ball game. If the person has a terminal condition, they are only going to get worse, not better.

If they have had an injury, they may get better but not necessarily back to their pre-accident self. You will probably not be celebrating each milestone they pass through.

A Potential Source Of Trauma

So, as you can see, caregiving for a senior citizen is dealing with a whole new set of emotions. A lot of people are not prepared for this and that is what may lead to them feeling trapped.

Imagine, you may be going along nicely without any problems apart from perhaps lack of sleep and pure tiredness. But the combination of those things, along with the stress of seeing a loved one in constant discomfort, can build up over time.

Then you may feel as though you can’t cope any longer. Feelings of guilt may begin to rise up, as well as dread from not knowing who will take over your role as the principal caregiver if you were to suddenly desist.

Preventing PTSD As A Caregiver

These are the dilemmas you are likely to encounter. So the important thing is to be able to acknowledge them while they occur, rather than suppressing them and waiting for them to emerge once your caregiving duties are over.

If you feel like it’s all too much to handle and you start to crave for your own life back, even something as simple as being able to sit down and enjoy some peace and quiet, you need to know that it’s not because of selfishness.

I’ll say it again. You are not selfish, you are normal. You are not losing your mind either. You have a right to a life and some downtime once in awhile.

The problem is that you probably haven’t planned ahead in order to anticipate this situation.

The Secret Lies In Anticipation

So how can you overcome this guilt?  How can you overcome the risk of PTSD so you don’t become dysfunctional yourself?

First, anticipate that you may reach a time when it’s all too much for you. Then you can lay certain things on the table for your loved one, close friends and family to be on the same page.

For example, arrange to have regular breaks for you to replenish yourself. Have someone else fill in for you every now and then so you can stay healthy and on top of things.

Also, avoid wasting time on feeling guilty because you are tired and worn out and can’t or, dare I say it, don’t want to continue in this role.

Remember that you matter too, so think about your own needs from the very beginning. Plan ahead so you can continue caring and avoid the guilt and exhaustion that can and does come with being a full-time caregiver.

Leveling With Others

A big part of this, as mentioned above, is telling yourself and your loved one that you will fulfill the caregiving role for as long as you can and when you can no longer do it, an alternative will be put in place.

If you do this from the beginning you will feel less guilty when the time comes and then you will be much happier letting go in order to preserve yourself and minimize the risk of any post-traumatic disorder in the long run.

Consider that there is no point in having two people sick and disabled because of one person being unwell. No point in having to work to overcome PTSD in the future either, not when you could prevent it in the first place.

That being said, it is worth mentioning that if you have concluded a period of caring for a loved one and are experiencing symptoms of PTSD, no one can determine if you are actually affected by the disorder but an expert on the matter. Be sure to seek proper guidance.

Have a parent that’s causing you stress?

Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on, maintain your relationship and de-stress each day.

Is Keeping A Loved One At Home The Best Option?

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There are many options available for providing care to a loved one, even if you decide to care for them at home.

But a lot of people get caught up with the idea that having them at home is just too much work. They think that if they don’t have the time themselves, nobody will care appropriately for their loved one.

So they turn to caregiving facilities or retirement homes instead of considering the services that could make keeping a loved one at home a reality.

On the other hand, others become fixated with the idea of keeping them at home when their needs require far more professional assistance.

In this blog post we’ll take a look at the advantages and disadvantages of keeping a loved one at home. We’ll also take a look at some of the resources for In-Home Care that could be available to you, and how you should go about deciding what’s best.

The Advantages Of In-Home Care

These are the general upsides to in-home caring. Of course, they may vary according to your particular situation, but they should help you make an informed decision.

  • No Adjustment Stage: Your loved one can stay in their own home, within surroundings they are familiar with. This is a great option for people who have cognitive issues and get lost in unfamiliar places or those with vision impairment, as going to a new place can be quite difficult for them.
  • Less Expenses: The drain on their finances will be reduced as they will have to spend a minimum amount of money on reduced care hours.
  • More Self-Sufficiency: If they are able to, they would have the option to prepare their own meals, even if it’s just heating up things on their own.
  • Family Involvement: You do not have to completely hand over the care to someone else – you can have more involvement in their care (if you have the time).
  • More Visits: It can be easier to visit them, since you probably can come and go more freely than on a facility. They can also be closer to your kids or other family members.

Have a parent that’s causing you stress?

Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on and maintain your relationship, and de-stress each day.

Resources For In-Home Care

There are a wide variety of services that can intensify these advantages. For example Meals on Wheels is a service that home delivers nutritious meals on a daily basis to people in care.

They are available in several countries so it’s only a matter of seeing if they have operations where you are. Otherwise, they might be a similar service being carried out by a similar enterprise near you. It’s only a matter of researching or asking around.

You can also turn to outside help like with Companion Care Services or Personal Care Assistants. These are hired professionals that can either provide professional nursing or companionship. The latter is great when your loved one requires light assistance but is maybe alone most of the day because family members have other activities.

As with most services, the availability and even naming of this will vary by country, but know that there are options out there. As an example, Here’s a comprehensive list of the services in America.

Downsides Of In-Home Care

However, even if you find a combination of hired services and your own efforts that could work for your loved one, there are always some disadvantages that we must consider.

Remember, this is about weighing out all the options in order to find out what is best for everyone involved. So let’s take a look at the cons:

  • New Faces, Constant Adjusting: The people that you hire to care or assist your loved one may change frequently. If you can get the same person all the time, that’s great. But the reality is, businesses often change staff and people move on to new opportunities even if they’re free agents. With every new person, your loved one will have to start all over again and there’s no telling if he or she will like every one of them.
  • Services May Fall Short: With some services, the person coming in to help may only be there for a short time and only to do specific tasks like prepare a meal, do some household chores, attend to hygiene needs or whatever has been agreed. Finding if this is enough and there are family members willing to fill the gap can be a tricky ordeal.
  • Keeping Track Of Expenses: We mentioned above that in-home care could be more cost-effective, but you should always consider that someone will have to stay on top of all the bills and make sure every service is paid for in due time. Even if no services are hired, someone will have to look over your loved one’s monthly expenses and maybe even the cost of opportunity if you are working less in order to care for them yourself.
  • Pressure: In-Home Care is also likely to put more pressure on you to go and check on your loved one to ensure they are safe and well cared for, since you’re basically supervising everything.
  • Loneliness: Extended periods of time on their own can increase the likelihood of social isolation, even if they are with a hired professional, it’s hard to replace the company of family members they’ve known for years or other groups of seniors they may empathize with. In turn, this can increase the risk of mental health issues like depression or even physical issues like the risk of falls or accidents when they are by themselves.

Assessing Your Own Situation

This list is only a simple glance. We provided the same number of upsides than downsides but the situation will always vary on a case by case basis. There is simply no “one-size-fits-all” solution when it comes to care.

One important thing to consider though, is being open towards the best possible solution. Otherwise, the consequences of holding on to just one option could be dire.

For example, keeping a person who is becoming frail at home at all costs may do more harm than good. A lot of this will fall on the families’ shoulders and, from my experience, there is usually one person who bears the brunt of this role.

Often the cost for this person can be really high, and even higher if that person is also holding down a full time job. It is hard enough to manage one household and a full time job, but managing two may be enough to push someone over the edge.

Love Doesn’t Need To Be Irrational

I completely understand wanting to take the caregiving role after everything your loved ones have done for you in the past.

If you are in this situation, and weighing up what to do, think very carefully before you commit yourself to the caring role. Plan ahead and do a risk assessment of the situation.

If you do decide to keep your loved one at home, don’t do it out of duty. Do it out of love and with full knowledge of being able to do it.

Share The Decision

Lastly, whether you choose to care for them yourself, hire people to come into their home occasionally, or fully taking them to a retirement home, remember that it should be, if possible, a decision you make with them.

Lay it all out in front of your loved one and involve them in how you came to the idea you have and why you think it’s the best option.

If your loved one becomes unreasonable about it, then you may have to risk their wrath. Just make sure whatever you propose, that you do it for the right reasons.

If you’ve made it this way, you do not have to justify to anyone why the decision was made either way.

Have a parent that’s causing you stress? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on, maintain your relationship and de-stress each day.

How To Choose The Best Caring Option For Your Loved Ones

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Find The Best Option For Caring

When a loved one needs to be taken care of, finding the best way to do so can be nerve-wrecking.

You can choose to do it yourself, keep it all between family members, have a professional come over periodically, hire someone full time, send them to a caring facility or even a combination of several of those.

Between all these options, making an informed decision can be very stressful. You have to consider several factors, both external and internal, to make sure your loved one gets the best possible care.

So we’ve put together a checklist that may help you with your decision. These are the things you should consider and ask yourself before making a decision.

May they serve you and your loved one well!

1. What Are The Essential Things My Loved One Needs?

Between family members that may want to help out and the many services that professionals and facilities can offer, it is essential to narrow down the core needs of your loved one before choosing anything.

Everyone is different and no one is going through the exact same situation, so you need to write their needs down. Preferably with the help of your physician, and base your decision off of this.

The best option will be the one that does a better job at covering all of these while being comfortable for everyone involved. By comfortable, I mean both financially and in terms of time-consumption.

So, when considering each option, list all the advantages to that decision.

Let’s take a caring facility for example. Maybe your loved one could benefit from thriving in a new environment, so that would be an important factor to consider.

Get the idea?

This of course, is not something that you should do by yourself. Involving your loved one and other concerned family members in this process is a must., as we’ll see below.

2. What’s The Best Option For Me?

You may think this sounds selfish, but it is actually about being sensible.

When making a decision as big as how your loved one will be taken care of, you need to think of your well-being too.

If you don’t include yourself in the equation, it can build up anger and resentment and fracture your relationship with your loved one and other family members.

Have you taken into account, the impact it would have on your own life and family? Are you doing it out of genuine love for the person and a strong desire to care for them?  Or are you doing it because you think it is your duty to do so?

Although it’s difficult, facing these questions will ensure that you step into this process with a clear head and well-organized priorities.

However, if you don’t, that’s when resentment, anger and bitterness can start to build up.

3. Call A Family Meeting

As we mentioned above, every concerned party should be involved in the decision. So once you have a good grasp on what your loved one’s needs are and you’re in a clear headspace about why you’re doing this, it’s time to have a group discussion.

First, gather everyone that should take part in this decision, including your loved one of course. After taking everyone’s points of view into account, try to narrow down the decision into preferably two options.

Then, get a large piece of paper and list the advantages and disadvantages of each of these options. For example, you could be comparing the pros and cons of staying at home vs. the pros and cons of going into a caring facility.

The idea is to brainstorm the advantages and disadvantages for everyone. This way a result that is adequate for everyone is much more likely to be produced.

4. Create A “What If” List

Once you have a scenario that everyone, or a majority, seems to be on-board with, look to the even longer term and do a list of possible outcomes.

For example, if you have decided to keep your loved one at home with services coming in to help them, a “what if” list could include things like:

  • The professional carer suddenly can’t keep doing it and we have to find another one
  • Some family members move away and suddenly the caring responsibilities fall on one or few people.

As you probably noticed, there are two main lines of questioning to help you come up with the “what if’s”. These are:

  1. “What if” for the person: For this, consider at what point will you know that keeping them at home is no longer an option.  It maybe they are becoming increasingly lonely and are making a lot of phone calls to family members. Or maybe they are having more accidents around the house.
  2. “What if” for the carer: These are any personal circumstances that may occur to those doing the caring. For example, if it’s you, maybe your job has changed and you need to travel more; so you are not as available as before. It could also be that the number of calls you are getting during your work day is causing you stress. You decide at what point you could no longer keep up the role of principal carer.

Once you have your list of “what if’s” written down, it’s time to think about what would you do if any of those actually occurs.

That brings us to the next point on our checklist…

5. Develop Contingency Plans

At the same family meeting, you can also brainstorm what the possible lines of action would be if any of those “what if’s” suddenly becomes a reality. You could even start doing things as a family that would make it all easier when that rainy day comes.

For example, a very common contingency plan if you all have decided to care of your loved one at home would be to use a caring facility.

In that case, you could all visit some residential facilities that may be able to accommodate your loved one if the need arises.

It may seem pointless, but it’s the kind of thing that is better to face even before it’s even a need. It can also be a good bonding exercise for the whole family. Take your loved one with you as well and view some options together to get their opinion.

Your Very Own Strategy

The point of this checklist is not to tell you exactly what to do, but to illustrate the ways that you can look deep into your own situation and find the best solution yourself.

Hopefully you will soon have a “What If” strategy in place and a contingency plan. You’ll be prepared and most importantly, you and your family will all be on the same page.

The beauty of investing time into the preparation of a contingency plan is that if the need ever arises, you’ll be ready to action it without wasting any time.

On the other hand, the wrong decision at a time of a crisis can create a lot of anger, frustration and family discord if clear communication and assertive planning have not been put into place.

So be sure to go through this checklist with your family members and don’t hesitate to contact me if you need more advice.

Good luck!

Have a parent that’s causing you stress? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on, maintain your relationship and de-stress each day.

 

How To Know When It’s Time For Assisted Living

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Factors To Consider Assisted Living

This is a very tricky one because there are no hard and fast rules as to when you need to call in extra support. Rather, there are a broad number of factors that come into play here, so we’ll cover those in depth.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s case will be different. But over my years of experience as a professional caregiver and from my time managing a nursing home, I’ve found out that these are the most important factors to consider when making this decision.

The point is to take a realistic inventory and see if everyone involved would be better off by involving professional care.

The Background Of Your Relationship

By this I mean, what sort of relationship have you had with your parent or loved one?  Do you have a deep love for them? Or are you taking care of them out of misplaced sense of duty because of one of the following:

  • You feel it is expected of you
  • There is no one else to do it
  • You were begged to commit to never putting them in care
  • Their fear about leaving home plays over in your mind
  • They will take up all your inheritance

Or are you taking care of them because…?

  • They’ve always been there to support you and it’s time to give back to them
  • You would not even consider leaving this role to someone else
  • You have had a serious discussion with them and have committed to doing it for now
  • You would do this even if it took every cent out of your inheritance

Your Reasons For Taking Over The Caring Role

If you are being the caregiver because of any of the reasons from the first group, (i.e. done out of duty) then resentment and bitterness will probably take its toll on you. You will also not be able to do the job of caring as well as a professional.

In fact, you’re more at risk of deteriorating your relationship with your parent or spouse. Doing a job you don’t want to do for a long period of time is just not the recipe for doing it properly. Worst of all, you may begin to feel trapped in this role.

However, if you truly believe you are the best person to take on the role and you love them unconditionally, your relationship will remain intact or even strengthen.

If you genuinely enjoy the role, there could be an immense sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in caring for them. If you willingly give up some of your life for them, you will find the precious time you spend together enhances your life immeasurably.

Have a parent that’s causing you stress?

Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can understand the underlying causes, maintain your relationship, and de-stress each day.

How Do You Feel

Probably the biggest trick in knowing whether it’s time to have your loved one in assisted living is realizing when it’s too much for you to continue doing the caring.

I say it’s the biggest trick because no one can answer that for you – it’s your judgement call.

It means having an innate awareness of yourself and your capabilities. Also, looking inside and being able to acknowledge to yourself that you cannot continue in the role of caring.

Previous Discussions

If you’ve been reading Care Training Online for a while, you probably know that when it comes to the question of professional care or doing it yourself, I always recommend planning ahead.

This means having a discussion about how each person feels about professional caring way ahead of time. Even before it’s a possibility.

That conversation, should be something along the lines of:

“I will continue to care for you for as long as I feel capable and comfortable with the role. If I feel that I cannot cope or our relationship is being destroyed, will you accept my judgement and forgive me for having to place you in care?”

If you have had a conversation like this, you should now bring it back and not feel guilty if you have to let go if you can no longer do the job; considering that both of you agreed to that.

If you haven’t, perhaps it’s not so late. That discussion should also help you assess whether your loved one is ready to go into external care or not.

Your Own Promises

On the other hand, if you have boxed yourself into a corner by saying things like:

  • “I will never let anyone else take care of you”
  • “I will never place you in a home”
  • “I promise to keep you in your own home for the rest of your life”

Quite frankly, those are the best ways to build resentment and eventually feel frustrated about giving up your life to try and please another person.

As poetic as they may sound, they are usually just blanket commitments that are very likely to fail.

Why? You just never know what the journey will be like nor do you know if your health is going to allow you to continue caring.

Being in a situation where you feel there is no way out only compounds your problems and increases stress for both you and your loved one.

If you have said things like that and are now in this situation, just try to make clear that you didn’t know how hard it was going to be when you said it.

Then, have an open discussion about how far are you willing to go before turning to professional care.

Wealth And Property

Finally, I want to take a minute to talk about inheritance.

I’ve seen many cases where this factor weighs in when people are deciding whether it’s time to send their loved one into a retirement facility or not.

First, let’s get one thing very clear: the money or property a person amasses in their life is theirs. It is to help provide for themselves after they retire and this may very well include purchasing professional caring services.

In those cases, you shouldn’t see it as a drain to your finances. You do not actually have a right to an inheritance; only as much as the person is willing to concede.

That being said, you do have a right to what is left after they have passed on. But please don’t think of yourself first and your parent second. They have earned the right to purchase the care they want or need.

The Golden Rule

And I’ll leave you with this. If you only walk away remembering one thing from this conversation it is this…

As with all things in life; do the job willingly, with no conditions attached, or don’t do it at all.

 

Have a parent that’s causing you stress? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can understand the underlying causes, maintain your relationship and de-stress each day.

How To Protect Personal Items When Your Loved One Goes Into Care

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How To Handle Personal Items When Your Loved One Goes Into Care

I know it is not all smooth sailing when a loved one is placed into care.  Things don’t always happen the way you want them to and, in your (and their) eyes, they can go very wrong sometimes.

Throughout all my years working in long term care, I have noticed that the biggest issues that keep cropping up between people are the disappearance of personal belongings and the appropriate handling of clothes.

Sometimes these issues are avoidable, other times not. It’s important to remember that your loved one can be upset with or without reason…

And that those in charge at the facility have a lot of people to keep up with.

So in this post, we’ll cover some measures you can take in order to avoid frustration when your loved one is in care.

“I Honestly Thought It Was Mine!”

It’s very frustrating when precious belongings go missing or are found in other people’s rooms.

Nevertheless, it’s understandable for people with memory loss to get confused.

I’ve heard and witnessed cases of people that enter other people’s rooms by mistake, and even pick up precious items and then put them down somewhere else.

Afterwards, it is hard to know exactly who did it because even in state of the art facilities, it’s very difficult to monitor a person 24/7 when they are mobile.

“I’m Missing A Sock… Again!”

Equally frustrating but perhaps more avoidable is when clothes are not cared for properly or disappear to then turn up in someone else’s room.

This is not usually the fault of a person with dementia, but rather the inattention and negligence by the caregivers or laundry personnel.

I honestly don’t understand why this happens, but it is an ongoing problem that many managers have to battle each day.

5 Things You Can Do

These things happen, in varying degrees of course, along many caring facilities.

So it’s best to simply be prepared and not leave things to chance.

I am now going to offer five suggestions on how you can reduce the risk of these frustrated events happening to you and your loved one.

1. Put Their Name On Everything

This may seem like going back to the days when you or your kids were on kindergarten…

But in a certain way going into care is similar. And that’s why this works.

It really helps to make sure that every item of clothing, photograph or precious Knick Knack has your loved one’s name on it.

That way if anything gets misplaced or taken by a confused resident, the rightful owner can be promptly identified.

2. Make An Inventory

Whether your loved one is about to go into care or already in a facility, it helps to keep an inventory of items that your loved one has taken in with them.

The thing is, even you can forget what has actually been taken to the facility in the first place. Perhaps new items are even brought in every time someone visits during the first months.

So as you can imagine, it definitely helps to record everything on an inventory.

You can write everything down or keep a photo record. This will make it much easier to make sure that a lost item was definitely lost in the facility.

Then, having pictures will make the work of retrieving them much easier.

3. Do Periodical Stock Checks

By “Stock Checks” I mean checking up on your loved one’s belongings every now and then.

This will help you to discover early on whenever things are misplaced or go missing.

When you visit, you can tidy up the drawers, closets or wherever your loved one keeps precious items.

This can also be helpful to keep track of your loved one’s clothes and identify any items that need mending or replacing.

4. Don’t Take Items You’re Not Willing To Risk

I know this may seem sad. In an ideal world you should be able to take anything you want to a care facility and not be worried about anything going missing.

But things happen and you just never know…

Also, when it comes to items that have a particular significance or great value, it’s probable that they just don’t have the same significance to others.

So it will be best not to take them unless they’re completely necessary.

This is particularly true of items with special meaning or family heirlooms.

If you want to keep them on the long term and don’t want to risk anything happening to them, perhaps they are best left at home.

5. Bring Your Own Laundry Bag

If you are concerned about the way clothing is being laundered and cared for, it definitely helps to provide the facility with your own laundry bag, then taking it and doing that laundry at home.

“But I’m paying “x” amount a month! You would expect them to do laundry!”

While that reasoning definitely makes sense, depending on what you pay, it’s just the best way of ensuring that your loved one’s laundry gets done right.

As with the stock checks, it will also allow you to keep track of any mending that needs to be done or when clothes need to be replaced.

And of course, also being able to sure that no item gets misplaced among all the other resident’s laundry.

It’s About Working With The Facility

I know that what I have suggested isn’t always that easy.

You may not have had time to plan for a person to be placed in long term care, so you just grab what you think they will need.  

Presents get taken in for a special occasion and the person giving the gift doesn’t think that it will be necessary to put the person’s name on it.

But when I ran a facility, I lost count of the items that turned up on my desk, without anyone having any idea who they belonged to.

A common recurrence were photographs that no one could identify anyone in. Perhaps they had been left behind after a person passed away, or perhaps the right person just hadn’t seen and claimed them yet.

Either way, as with many other items, it would have been much easier if a name had been placed on or written somewhere.

As you can see, the facility is not always to blame.

While I absolutely understand that it’s not acceptable for clothes to be laundered incorrectly, or be put in other people’s drawers… you need to do your bit too and make sure everything is labeled clearly so they can be returned to you.

Your Loved One’s Advocate

Think of it as being your loved one’s advocate. Having their clothes and other precious items with them is a way of making sure that they feel comfortable in their new home.

So be proactive and help both your loved one and the facility to keep track of personal items. Then whenever something goes missing, you can advise the manager and have them do something about it.

When that time comes, you’ll feel more reassured knowing that you already took certain measures.

If any of these measure’s doesn’t sit very well with your loved one, be sure to check out or Free Challenging Behavior’s Guide.

What To Do If You Need To Take A Break From Caring

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What To Do If You Need To Take A Break From Caring

As I have said in many blogs before, recognizing when you need a break is a hard thing to do.

Caring burnout is an insidious condition.

Something you just keep doing day in and day out, with little thought or consideration for yourself… until it all comes crashing down on you.

That’s why there’s a real benefit in forward planning. It can save you a lot of time and distress.

When To Start Planning A Break

First of all, while you are still able to care for your parent or loved one without any problems, this is the time you should be planning ahead and going to look at the alternatives that are around.

If you postpone this decision to the point when you are in immediate need of a break, it will only be harder on everyone involved.

So whenever you are able to recognize that you’re going to have to be caring for a close family member, this is the time to plan what you will do if you become too exhausted.

Transparency Is Key

It is also best to make sure you are honest with your loved one as well. Discussing things with them openly is essential.

This may seem obvious, but this is one of the biggest mistakes families make…

Keeping it all under wraps. Not talking in front of them for fear of how they will react.

But they have a right to be included in the discussions. They have a right to be part of the solution. They have the right to choose, especially while they are still able to contribute.

You know, fear of the unknown is far worse than facing the fear head on because it usually is nowhere near as bad as either you or they anticipated.  

Finding The Right Care Facility

So you’re taking a break. Once everyone is clear on the fact that you’re going to involve outside help in the caring process, it is time to find an appropriate caring facility.

Here’s my advice…

On a nice sunny day when you are both feeling mellow, make a decision to go and visit some residential care facilities or day programs.

In each place you visit, get the opinion of the person who may have to use the program or live in the facility.

Also, find out from the facility what they do or have available that your loved one is interested in.

How Do You Know If It’s Right?

Spend some time at these places to see how they really operate and what’s available.

Don’t just go once… maybe even go at different times of the day to see what is going on.

Once you have narrowed it down to the right place, see if your loved one can spend an hour or so there.

You may have to pay by the hour or half day or they may just be happy for you try it… but this is an important step to seeing if it’s right for your family.

How To Stay Involved In The Process

Once you’ve found the right caring facility and take your much deserved break, it’s important to stay involved in the process of caring. Even if it’s not at the same intensity as before.

You can do this by asking the caring facility when they have some programmed activities that would be good for you to attend.

Some facilities have things like mid-winter dinner, concerts, dances or regular church services. You may be more than welcome to attend them.

I’ve even seen facilities with a Men’s Shed and mending circles.

Your Visits Can Go Even Further

Of course, you can always just go visit your relatives and even other people (like their new friends) and spend some quality time talking to them.

Sadly, as you may eventually find out, there are people with families in another state or country and they have no one to visit them.

Even when you’re still deciding between caring facilities, visiting these people can be both a good way for you to know more about the place and a blessing for them.

In that vein, you can also volunteer and help with any number of things within the facility.

In my experience, extra hands are always appreciated.

It’s All About Having A Plan

As you can see, finding somewhere that both you and your loved one are comfortable with is an essential part of caring.

Even if you don’t necessarily reach the point where you need to take a break, setting up a good relationship with a potential residential care facility or a day program, makes it easier for both of you, if and when the time comes.

Also, as I always stress, it’s another thing you can do together. Make it an activity to be enjoyed and not a chore to be avoided.

Lastly, if you have reached the point where you need to take a break from caring but haven’t done any of this beforehand, just hang in there.

Hopefully you can take some of the above measures along with your loved one.

It’s never too late to do things right!

Making plans like these can sometimes be hard when your loved ones don’t have best attitude. For some tips on dealing with this and other challenging behaviors, be sure to get our Free Challenging Behaviors Guide.