It is inevitable that more and more people will be faced with the situation of having to take some responsibility for an elderly parent at some time in their life.
Because people are living longer.
Though there is another wrinkle to this… we are often working longer as well.
It is not unusual for people to be working up to age 70 years and beyond now.
And this is trend is very likely to continue.
Why Are We Living/Working Longer?
The baby boomer generation, on the whole, are more aware of a healthy lifestyle.
For some this may be the result of a health scare while for others they just want to lead a healthier life.
And with the continued growth of the use of computers and the internet, people now have easy access to more information than they ever have on how to keep healthy.
And they are using this tool to stay healthy and live longer.
What Does That Mean For Us?
Being a generation that has worked longer than ever before…
Many baby boomers have created some wealth and have a disposable income that they want to use and enjoy.
They have been working all their life and they want to use it on themselves.
In fact, many do not intend to leave an inheritance to their children…
Which is in sharp contrast to their parents who lived and work with the purpose of leaving an inheritance to their loved ones.
Have a parent that’s a little hard to handle? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on and maintain the relationship with your parent.
When They Can’t Do It On Their Own Anymore
So now you have finally made it. You have some time on your hands and the money to have some fun and enjoyment.
Life is wonderful till you get that phone call…
Your parent has had a fall and broken their hip.
And if that isn’t bad enough, they have not been able to be rehabilitated to go back home.
What do you do? “Don’t worry Mum (or Dad), you can come and live with us until you are well enough to manage on your own. You will be back in your home before you know it.”
But the month becomes two or three or even longer and you are beginning to become resentful towards your parent.
They have invaded your life and you can no longer chose to take that much needed or wanted world trip.
What do you do?
When The Going Gets Tough
You don’t want to hurt your parent’s feelings…
After all they did a lot for you when you were growing up. It is your role and duty isn’t it?
Nor do you want to kick them out but the relationships in your household are becoming very strained.
Your husband or partner is becoming titchy as you now no longer have the freedom to do just what you want to do, when you want to.
You are no longer available to them like you had planned.
The freedom that you longed to enjoy has now disappeared because you have to consider your parent.
Your Life Is Exciting, After All
You may even accuse them of not wanting to get well and go home.
This may be true….
They may have become socially isolated and now they have a cure for it: your house.
People around all the time; someone to talk to; something to look forward to every day.
This beats the loneliness of their own company but they just can’t bring themselves to say this nor do they want to say “Don’t worry dear, put me in a home”…
Learning To Care In Other Ways
What do you do in situations like this and what are your options?
There are many services available for you in the community.
If your parent really cannot go home and you can’t bring yourself to send them into care, you can have care in your home.
You don’t have to be the full time caregiver. You can get someone to
- Come in and help with her daily cares
- Take her shopping
- Be a companion
- Help with the chores (if they are living on their own)
It Doesn’t Have To Cost A Fortune Either
You may find that some services are free for people who qualify for funding.
Your parent themselves may be able to pay for it as well.
You have to be proactive to find out what is available for your parent and how you can get it.
Don’t let having to pay for some of this care put you off accessing it.
It is far better to look for solutions than to run the risk of “souring” your relationship with your parent.
And when you need a break, find out what is available to you. DON’T be a martyr.
Don’t Forget To Plan Ahead…
Plan a head too for the going will get tough…
And when you can’t do it any longer, then residential care is the option.
There are some very good places that will take good care of your parent and help you keep your relationship with them intact.
But again, be proactive and start early.
Get an idea of what is available so you have plan B in place; an option that you may or may not take up in the future when it all becomes too much for both you and your parent.
Preserve you relationship with them at all costs – you both deserve this at the very least.