Care Training Online

Enabling Caregivers To Be The Best They Can Be

Blog

5 Reasons You Need Training To Care For Your Loved One

by

5 Reasons You Need Training To Care For Your Loved One
If You’re Caring For Someone You’ve Known For A Long Time, Do You Actually Need Training?

You are now (or soon will be) faced with the fact you have to be the major caregiver for your elderly parent. Or it may even be your spouse…

But why do you need to have some training in this field?

You know them really well and what their needs are don’t you?

You don’t need someone else to tell you what to do or how to care for your loved one.

Unless… there may actually be a reason to have training to take care of aging loved ones.

Take a look at these 5 reasons and think about how they affect your ability to care for your loved ones.

1. Your Emotions Get The Best Of You

Everything I said above is very true… and important.

A professional caregiver cannot tell you the preferences of your loved one. You have known them for so long and, yes, you do know their quirks and idiosyncrasies.

However, when it comes to providing care, all your emotions will come to the fore and you could inadvertently cause them some harm.

Not through lack of love but from lack of knowledge.

2. You Are Not Neutral Towards That Person

You see, you will be challenged by the need to give good care with the desire to give the person what he or she wants.

So here lies the problem!

Your emotional attachment to the person may actually prevent you from meeting the best needs of your loved one.

Why?

3. You Want To Avoid Causing Pain To Your Loved One

Your need to provide comfort and avoid causing pain may, in the long run actually cause them more pain.

Let me explain…

Say for example, your loved one cries when you move them. They may even say, “Stop, don’t do that! This is hurting me.”

But leaving them in one position may actually cause a pressure injury… which will cause more pain to heal than if you turned them from side to side.

It’s important to be able to hear when a loved one is in pain…

But also be able to work with them through the small pain to avoid major problems later.

4. You Find It Hard To Go Against Their Wishes

Another thing that you may encounter is that a person may not want to eat.

Not wanting to force them to eat, you bend to their wishes.

But how are you going to provide them with nourishment that may help them to heal?

If you don’t know what is around that will give them the nourishment they need without expecting them to eat the food you have lovingly prepared for them…

Then they will become undernourished or even malnourished, which is worse.

5. Behavioral Changes Are Hard To Cope With

You may also have to cope with changes in behavior of the person you love.

They could change from the person you know to some other person you have never seen before.

These behaviors will challenge you beyond belief.

The normal compliant and loving person, may become an aggressive animal that will challenge your emotions.

It could even lead you to placing a person in care, long before they need to…

Simply because you did not know how to handle the problems and changes in behavior that person may be experiencing.

Seeking Assistance Or Seeking Training?

It makes good sense to learn some of the know-how of the trade because there are many tricks that will help you.

But these tricks are not always easy to find.

Even if you’re employing a professional caregiver to help you, they will probably come in, do the care for you and then leave.

This may be wonderful for an hour or two… but you have another 22 hours of the day to deal with.

Therefore, getting the skills and learning how to manage your emotions is key to being able to last the distance in the role of caregiving. And this is likely to be a marathon, not a sprint.

Knowing what you are doing is one of the battle skills that will make it easier for you to cope with the added responsibility.

Have a loved one that’s causing you stress? Click here to learn 6 powerful strategies for dealing with Challenging Behaviors in aging relatives.

Making Your Wishes Known

by

making-your-wishes-known

How Can You Ensure That Your Wishes Are Carried Out If You Need Care?

Nobody knows what is around the corner for them…

And maybe you’ve never thought about writing your wishes down?

But if you don’t tell people what you want, then they will give you what they THINK you want…

Apart from the fact that you don’t get what you want… it can cause discord among family members – especially your children.

Without your wishes written down, they will be up for interpretation from all the different conversations you’ve had.

The fact remains, they don’t know what you want. And if you still don’t believe me, take a look at this.

So how are you going to overcome all of this?

Write it down yourself. Or at least in conjunction with those closest to you or your health practitioner.

This is the only way you will have any hope of getting the care or funeral you want.

So Where Do You Start?

This is why most people don’t get started in the first place.

It used to seem like the biggest stumbling block to overcome.

But that’s no longer the case as it’s been made easy by setting up an Advanced Care Plan or ACP.

All the information you need can be found here:
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/publication/advance-care-planning

It covers all you need to know and how to take the first steps.

Need To Know: Writing An ACP

Firstly, you should have your Power of Attorney set up. This is likely to be legal document in some states or countries, so look into this first.

Then you should consider setting up an Advanced Directive or Living Will.

Some states and countries have specific forms to complete which could have different titles. So, again check out what is applicable for your state or country.

To understand more go to: http://www.patientsrightscouncil.org/site/advance-directives-definitions/

While an Advanced Care Plan is not necessarily a legal document, it does get you to think about what you want at the end of your life.

And it encourages you to discuss it with others and makes your wishes known.

This affords you the opportunity to get at least some of what you want and prevent your family from being at odds with each other when the time comes for these tough decisions to be made.

One thing to note is you need to review these documents on an ongoing basis because you may change your mind and new treatments are always being made available.

The Final Point I Want To Make Clear Is… 

Don’t just do it and leave it in a drawer somewhere.

Make sure you keep it with the appropriate people that are going to be able to carry out your wishes.

This could be a family member, solicitor, health professional or care facility.

Finally, if and when you update it, send the updated copy to the same people who had the original.

The 4 Most Important Things You Should Know About An Advanced Care Plan:

  1. Talk to family about what you want and write it down
  2. Gives copies to the people who need to know your wishes
  3. Update it annually and give updated copies to the significant people in your life
  4. Make sure each copy is dated and signed by you

Have a parent that’s causing you stress? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on and maintain your relationship, and de-stress each day.

What Is A Living Will Or Advanced Directive?

by

Living Will and Advanced Directive

When you or a parent you’re caring for reaches a point in life where you know the end is fast approaching and you’re thinking about what you would like to have happen to you…

How are you going to ensure this critical information is communicated accurately?

You may have to enter a care facility that requires you to have an Advanced Directive or Durable Power of Attorney in place that forces you to consider a Living Will.

If you wait until you have a crisis, you’re way too late.

Leaving Things To Chance?

Now most people don’t think about these things because most don’t want to face the fact that they will die one day.

This may be because they don’t want to think about it at all or maybe they simply don’t understand the importance of having an Advanced Directive.

Whatever the reason, the fact still remains you don’t want to leave things to chance or to others.

Make the choice for yourself. And encourage your parents to think about it as well.

Why Is A Living Will Important?

Well let’s take a look at this scenario…

You’re at church one day and (God forbid) you collapse. You’re rushed to hospital and as you’re unconscious, the doctor asks, “Is this person for resuscitation? Do they have an Advanced Directive in place?”

Those around you look at each other and shrug!

Then someone says, “I know they don’t want to be resuscitated!”.

The doctors asks, “How do you know? Where is the proof? Is it in writing? Do they have it with them?”

And everyone around you looks at each other with blank stares. The fact is no one actually knows and the doctor will lose valuable time to act.

So, What Is An Advanced Directive?

An Advanced Directive is a “document by which a person makes provision for healthcare decisions in the event that, in the future, he/she becomes unable to make those decisions” (Patients’ Rights Council, Ohio).

Now, a Living Will is a legal document and is state and country specific. So be sure to check out these requirements first.

You can find more information at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0jNWMZUezU

There are many things you will need to think about.

Examples Of Decisions You May Have To Make

Do you want a physician to withhold or withdraw any medical interventions? If so, in what circumstances?

Do you want to be resuscitated? If so, under what circumstances?

Do you want to receive antibiotic treatment? Are there any exclusions?

Do you want to be an organ donor? Are there any limitations on organs to be donated?

Do you want to donate your body to science?

Another thing you need to consider is…

How Are Others Going To Know Your Wishes?

Will you carry a card on you with the relevant information and who your nominated proxy is if you cannot speak for yourself?

Will it be only in paper form with your solicitor?

Does your doctor have a copy?

Who in your family will know about your wishes?

Are there people you want excluded from having this information?

Write It Down

While it seems like there is a mountain of things that you need to know as you or your parents age…

If you want to have a say in a time of crisis then you need to write it down. Not later, but now.

Otherwise you’ll be leaving it to chance and trust that people will make the right decision for you.

Are you prepared to play this game of chance?

To learn more about Advanced Directives and how you can be prepared for a future crisis, check out this short video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaQ8Z9XFK8E

Have a parent that’s causing you stress? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on and maintain your relationship, and de-stress each day.

Why Have A Power of Attorney?

by

Why Have A Power of Attorney?

What important discussions should you have with family?

We often leave the “hard stuff’ out of our conversations with our loved ones.

Like Do you want to be resuscitated? If so, in what situations?

Do you want to receive any aggressive treatment if you suffer a medical condition that could be terminal?

At what stage do you want help with finances?  Who are you going to trust with looking after your money and your welfare?

All the above are incredibly important conversations you need to have with your parents.

You should also think about it for yourself. Because if something happens to you, who is going to be your guardian or attorney?

If you don’t have this documentation that contains your choice of a guardian, it will be left for the courts to decide and they may not appoint the person you would choose.

I’m talking about making sure you have a Power of Attorney in place.

So, What Is A Power Of Attorney?

“A power of attorney (POA) or letter of attorney is a written authorization to represent or act on another’s behalf in private affairs, business, or some other legal matter, sometimes against the wishes of the other.”

Essentially what this means is that you have in writing who you (or your parents) want to look after your affairs if you cannot look after them yourself.

However, the word attorney should not be confused with a lawyer.  In the case we are talking about, it means someone to act on your behalf when you can no longer do it for yourself.

Generally, this person is not paid. However, if the person is receiving remuneration for doing this job, a written contract should be in place.

The Power of Attorney document does not need to be kept private, but the contract or remuneration should be.

Now that is cleared up let’s take a look at the basics for securing a Power of Attorney document.

Power Of Attorney Basics

First and foremost, you must have what is known as capacity – which means do you have the mental capacity to set this up.

For example, if a person has Alzheimer’s Disease or some other mental health issue that renders them not to have capacity, then they cannot set it up.

You can see why it is important to have this discussion early and have the documents in place as an insurance policy for you, so to speak.  Set it up now to make sure you get the people you want to speak or act for you or look after your property and finances.

Setting Up A Power Of Attorney

Now setting up a power of attorney or an enduring power of attorney, is a legal document.

While you may think a verbal discussion is sufficient, it may not be.  To ensure it is binding, it has to be in writing.  The exact wording or limitation of power may vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction so you are best to consult a lawyer to make sure you fully understand the stipulations.

You can find a power of attorney document for you to complete here:  https://www.rocketlawyer.com/sem/power_of_attorney

If you really want to save yourself and your loved one much heartache and grief by having to figure out what to do in a time of crisis, then plan ahead.

Be Proactive And Don’t Delay

Have the hard discussion with them NOW and put a plan in place to ensure they get their wishes granted. You’ll avoid the possibility of a random person who does not know you or your loved one from a bar of soap and has no emotion attached to the outcome (other than perhaps to get paid).

Be proactive.  Talk to your parent, consult with a lawyer and do it right the first time.

Also, don’t forget to review the document regularly.  Make sure it is always current because if something happens to the person you appoint before you require the power of attorney to be actioned, then you are back to square one not having your choice of person.

To clarify why you should have a Power or Attorney, check out this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqUeuBZtEaY

One more thing – know where the document is and tell others where it can be found.  Keep all your legal documents in the one place so you can have control over your circumstances.

Have a parent that’s causing you stress? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on and maintain your relationship, and de-stress each day.

Managing The Holidays When Your Parents Move In

by

Managing The Holidays When Your Parents Move InWell we have reached that time..

Yes, Mom and Dad can no longer look after themselves. They need help and they chose holiday time to move in with you.

You think, “Oh what am I going to do? I have so much on my plate! I knew this would happen one day… Why now right on Christmas?”.

The reality is that this was going to happen eventually, wasn’t it?

I mean, you knew they weren’t going to be able to look after themselves one day…

But you just didn’t want to face it, right?

It’s Not Just You

Too often this scenario plays out in many people’s lives.

At some point Mom or Dad (or both) decide they cannot do it on their own any more.

Worse still, they come for a holiday and they just stay!

They may live in another city and the traveling is getting to be too much for them.

Whatever the reason, you need to face the fact that this is going to happen some day and you may not be able to avoid it.

It Wasn’t In The Plan…

I know life takes over.

You become busy with children, school, community activities and work.

Mom or Dad didn’t take up too much of your time apart from the phone calls and occasional visits.

They were doing fine weren’t they? They seemed to be managing all right on their own?

But the fact is, they probably weren’t at all but didn’t tell you.

Can You Be Prepared?

So how are you going to prevent a situation where you have to scramble around and find solutions in a hurry?

The answer is simple:

  • Expect that it will happen one day. Anticipating that a problem will occur takes a lot of stress away from you – and from them.
  • Have the conversation with them early so you know what they are thinking.  It may be that they have always expected to move in with you or they may move in on short notice because they do not have a plan B.
  • Make some inquiries about suitable help in the home before a crisis occurs, or find out what residential care is available for short term or long term.

Yes, Parents Can Be Difficult

Now I know that parents can be difficult.

Some can have expectations of you that you have no intention of fulfilling.

Some parents may have no intention of ever moving in with you but suddenly they are faced with a situation out of their control… and they are relying on you to help.

We Aren’t All Prepared

Many cultures do not see this as a problem.

They expect to take care of their family at some point.

Some cultures expect a particular child to fill this role.

Some have their parent living with them while children are growing up… but this is not necessarily the case for all of us.

While it may have been more common 200 years ago or even 50 years ago, this is not the norm now.

The World Has Changed

We are a very mobile society.

It is quite rare for children to stay in the same town they grew up in these days.

We move to different cities, towns or even countries for jobs or by choice for a better life or job.

This makes it difficult for parents left, often with no one to speak up for or take care of them until a crisis situation develops.

Reducing Stress

So how can you reduce the trauma for all when or if this happens?

Well it really is quite simple.

Have these discussions early with your parents or parent.

As I said earlier, have a plan B in place.

Then even if things change, you still have a solid plan you can work with.

So these holidays, if you are lucky enough to have all the family together start the discussion.

Get everyone on the same page.

Have the start of a plan at least.  This will save a lot of distress for all concerned.

Have a parent that’s causing you stress?

Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on, maintain your relationship, and eliminate unnecessary stress .

Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

by

are-you-your-own-worst-enemy_Are you a carer struggling to care for a loved one at home on your own?

When did you last take a holiday or get a break? When did you last put yourself first?

Do you think you are the only one that can do the caring?

What will happen to your loved one if your fall apart if you are not able to continue caring?

What is your support network doing to help you? Do they just expect you to keep going 24/7 365 days a year?

Do you not trust anyone to take over your role?

Do you have trouble saying NO – I NEED A HOLIDAY!

You’re Not Alone…

Why am I saying this?

Well, it is very easy to fall into this trap…. but you do not need to be a martyr to yourself.

You will not get any medals at the pearly gates for just soldiering on, on your own.

Yes trying to keep going when you get tired is heading for disaster not only for you but your loved ones too!

You need a holiday to enable you to keep caring longer.

Is This You?

So is this you? Do you not put yourself first?

Do you think you are managing well when in fact you may not be?

The reality is, if you became unwell then everyone is going to have to manage without you – and they do.

So if this rings a bell with you and you are telling yourself “I can’t take a holiday. No one else can do this job as well as I can.”

Or “I don’t have anyone that can relieve me.” If I am not here, what will happen?”

Maybe You Need A Break

Well I will tell you what will happen.

Support will arrive.

If you plan to take a break rather than wait to take a break, you will give your brain and body a holiday AND you will be able to keep caring for longer.

Have a parent that’s causing you stress?

Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on and maintain your relationship, and de-stress each day.

For The Indispensible

Now to back this up I came across this article, “Graveyards are full of indispensable people” (apt don’t you think?).

While this is about lawyers it really fits for every person who thinks they are indispensable.

Check this out: http://thegirlsguidetolawschool.com/12/the-graveyards-are-full-of-indispensable-people/

You see by making yourself indispensable you ruin your life. Yep, it’s true.

Are you ruining your life? Are you driving yourself to an early grave? Are you really doing the best for your loved ones? Does this picture fit you?

You Don’t Have To Be The Only One

So if you think you have got yourself into a situation that you cant get out of…

That your loved one would not survive for a week or a month without you… you are wrong.

They will survive without you.

Sure they will miss you and you will miss them, but they will survive.

If you want to change and start thinking of yourself, then check this resource out.  http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Being-Indispensable

The Value Of Cross Training

The military know the value of cross training – of not creating indispensable people.

It could cost you your life, literally.

There is no difference between the military and your work as a carer.

Train someone to take over from you so you can have a life.

Let someone else do your job… Show them how to do it the way you or the person you’re caring for likes it to be done. What they are familiar with?

If you don’t know how, then check out these cross training tips: http://www.forbes.com/sites/chriscancialosi/2014/09/15/cross-training-your-best-defense-against-indispensable-employees/

Take A Break

Don’t be one of those people who kills themselves with work or being a martyr.

You are worth far more to your loved ones when you are rested, at peace and full of energy.

Look after yourself. Take a break. You owe it to yourself. You deserve a break.

Have a parent that’s causing you stress? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on and maintain your relationship, and de-stress each day.

Making Difficult Decisions – One Thing You Need To Do

by

Making Difficult DecisionsWe all face situations from time to time where we aren’t sure if something is wrong or if we’re imagining things.

You know, things like…

  • Has my mother really got a problem with her memory or is it just because she is getting old?
  • Is my dad taking his pills correctly or am I just too busy to remember how many were in the bottle in the first place?
  • Is the lesion on my body something I need to worry about or am I being paranoid?

Am I Wasting My Time?

We play these mind games with ourselves and think, well if I just left it a bit longer it might just go away… or I am just too busy to think about this now?

But maybe you just need to think how much time are you wasting worrying about the situation.

Is it taking you away from others things that are also important?

Why wait till the situation gets worse and a crisis happens?

Time To Get Moving

Every time you put something off or think it doesn’t matter and you push it to the back of your mind, you can guarantee it is going to keep coming back to you.

Every time you have a few spare minutes, here it comes again to remind you.

So, what is the solution?

Action.

That’s right. Do something.

Have a parent that’s causing you stress? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on and maintain your relationship, and de-stress each day.

What You Can Do

You see, you can put things off for a variety of reasons but at the end of the day, if you act early you can alleviate yourself of a lot of unnecessary mind chatter…

Because it will go around in your head until you do.

What are some easy actions you can take to get started assessing the situation instead of worrying?

Some suggestions are…

  • If you have money issues then call the bank
  • If you think you have a health issue, call the doctor and make an appointment
  • If you have family issues then discuss it with the person concerned or a trusted friend that could shed a different light on the subject

It’s All Small Stuff

You see, the key to good emotional health is to not sweat the small stuff.

Because at the end of the day, it is all small stuff.

Sound easy? Well no it isn’t always that easy but one thing I can guarantee.

For the most part, when you look back after 6 months you will wonder just why you were worrying so much.

A Few Useful Tools

In the process of taking some action you may like to consider some other useful tools that I have found to be helpful.

Journaling

I call this my silent friend.

It is a place where I can download all my worries, or successes.

It is a place where no one comes back with any solutions for me, but me.

It allows me to take it out of my head and put it on paper.

And once it is on paper, I have freed up space and can allow myself to focus on other things.

Angel Letter Writing

Now this may seem a bit way out… but it works.

Angel Letter Writing is where you write a letter to the person that is involved in a personal issue for you.

You outline what the problem is between you, how it is affecting you and ask for a resolution or something positive to come out of it.

You then burn the letter and let it go.

Helping Yourself

These suggestions may seem a bit strange but sometime talking it out with others doesn’t work.

Instead it may perpetuate the issue.

After all, what you are looking for is inner peace because the issues or issues are affecting you…

But it may not even be affecting the other person.

So rather than waste your precious energy giving the problem more energy than it deserves… do something different to help you and your peace of mind.

Have a parent that’s causing you stress? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on and maintain your relationship, and de-stress each day.

Why Does Someone Never Fit In? How To Deal With Difficult Relatives

by

why-does-someone-never-fit-in

Within families and groups there are many different behaviors and coping strategies that people adopt.

Often to gain control of the situation or their lives…

This is not usually a conscious decision as many people may not even know they behave this way.

However, over the years I have been working with people and indeed in my own personal life, I have begun to realize that I have no control over the way people behave, what they do or say.

I have learned to accept that it is a waste of time getting upset about such things because it goes nowhere and at the end of the day, it is only me getting upset.

Why Does This Matter?

Understanding this is crucially important for your sanity as a carer because you cannot change the way other people think or behave…

Much as you would like to or indeed try to.

You see, you only know what you know.

And to get inside someone else’s head is not only impossible but it will cause you so much unnecessary grief.

So what am I talking about?

When You Need Help

Well some people can never accept a suggestion..

They have to come back with a counter offer.

For example, you may decide to meet up or send a care roster around the family to help get people on board.

Some people will accept this and say that is fine. I will adjust my schedule to fit in.

Another may want to change everything and nothing works for them.

They want to meet up at a different place or change the whole roster around.

There’s Always One…

Now for some there will be a genuine reason for changing things around.

But I am talking about the person who consistently makes things difficult and never agrees to anything.

You know, there is always a counter offer or for some reason they can’t work with others.

These people appear to have control everything.

They may not realize consciously that they are behaving in such a way, but you see the trends.

That one family member that just will not fit in with everyone.

The question you may need to ask though, is this person happy?

Because often they are not.

Do they fit into any of these scenarios? Read more here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tamara-star/7-habit-of-chronically-unhappy-people_b_6174000.html

Here’s What You Do

So how are you going to handle this even if you know the person is unhappy or just obstructive?

You can try asking them to organize a time to meet up or get them to do the roster in the first place.

Put it back on them before you even start to suggest something.

While this may work, be prepared for it not to work because these people have worked on the counter offer principle.

They may not want to change or believe there is some weakness in saying “yes that is fine”.

How To Deal With Uncooperative Relatives

Now I am not saying that everyone has to fit in with your plan or suggestion or that saying “No it does not work for me” is not okay.

What I am talking about it the person who consistently comes back with counter offers and tries to manipulate every situation that occurs.

Nothing will be satisfactory for them.

See more on how to deal with uncooperative relatives here: http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Difficult-Relatives

You’re Not Alone…

Such a situation is really difficult because the danger for you is to get into making up your own stories which may or may not be true or indeed have any relevance.

The people who behave in such a manner can be anyone in your life, but it is more difficult when it is family member.

You may just want to meet up to keep in contact or there may be a crisis where everyone needs to pull together for the good of a particular family member like an elderly parent.

How To Avoid The Stress

There are no simple or easy answers to handling these situations however, one thing I can say…

Keep it in perspective and do not try to second guess what is behind the person’s behavior.

It will do your head in and create unnecessary stress for you.

You might find some useful tips in this article https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201406/how-spot-and-stop-manipulators

You Can Only Change Yourself

Remember though, you cannot change anyone that does not want to change.

You cannot make anyone do what they don’t want to do or won’t do.

You can only change the way you behave, think or manage the situation.

Creating added stress in your life is counterproductive for you.

Important Questions To Ask…

So ask yourself the following:

  • Why do I want this person to help?
  • What are my reasons for getting people together?
  • Is this worth my energy to keep trying and getting either rejected or counter offers coming back?
  • What would be the worst thing that could happen if I didn’t include this person?
  • What are my motives?
  • How can I make this situation better for me?

Be Careful Not To Waste Your Energy

You see, in this world, you are only responsible for yourself and your own mental health.

What other people do, think or say, really is nothing to do with you.

Yes, it is hard as no one wants to feel alone, isolated or overburdened especially when you are the one left with the role of caring.

Playing happy families may be your way of coping but the reality is, often happy families are a myth.

Creating you own happy self is paramount.

So instead of trying to get families together or to help when they don’t want to is wasting your energy.

Find support from others, either friends or organizations.

This is where you should be spending your energy.

A Strategy That Supports You

So develop a strategy that supports you rather than destroys you.

Focus on an area that works for you rather than against you.

This way, your role of caring will have a much higher return for your emotional investment.

Simple?

Well, no it isn’t but necessary for your survival, personal satisfaction and happiness.

To find out more on happiness, read this: http://www.lifecoachexpert.co.uk/whyishappinesssoimportant.html

Have a parent that’s causing you stress? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on and maintain your relationship, and de-stress each day.

22 Pieces Of Advice For Living Authentically

by

22 Pieces Of Advice For Living AuthenticallyThis is not something I have written about for a while but living authentically is not as hard as it may seem.

You see, we can get so bogged down in the worries of life that we forget to be thankful for what we have.

While blessing every experience you have in life may seem a big ask when the situation you’re in is so bad…

But when you change the way you see the situation, somehow life takes on a different slant.

How You Look At Life

You may have heard of the saying “trusting in the universe” or the “power of prayer”.

You may be religious and believe and use the power of prayer or you may not be religious at all but the reality is that these are all positive experiences that help you in times of need.

And what’s more, they are readily available all the time and FREE. They don’t cost a cent!

I was once told that prayer was talking to God and meditation was listening to God.

But whatever your belief, when you go within, stop the internal negative chatter box that is making your life worse and replace it with more positive chatter box… such things as prayer and meditation do work.

Never Let Go Of Your Beliefs

I was talking to an acquaintance recently who has such a belief.

He had been really unwell with bowel problems for around 3 months and finally was admitted to hospital.

They came up with all sorts of conditions they thought he might have yet all tests produced negative results.

In the end one of the doctors thought the best thing was to remove all his large bowel and give him a colostomy.

So what did he do? He dug his toes in and said No!

He continued asking for guidance to help solve the problem and for him it was through prayer or asking God for help – and he never let up.

That’s When Things Change…

Along came a lady doctor who happened to think outside the box and asked “Have you ever been in Africa?”

He actually had some 25+ years ago so she tested him for a parasitic infection, and low and behold that is what he had.

Now after 4 weeks in the hospital he is recovering and back to work.

If he hadn’t continued with his belief and kept searching he may have ended up with no lower bowel.

Just Ask…

Now I am not saying that anyone else has the same problem.

What I am saying is that when you take your focus away from the doom and gloom of a situation, and look for answers or help, it will arrive.

A technique I use is to ask things like “What do I need to do now?” “Where can I go for help?” “How can I solve this?”

I just keep asking and suddenly I will get a phone call for help, someone will offer some assistance or I will see something when I am searching the net.

Whatever it is, help or a solution does arrive.

Energy Follows Attention

So what I am saying here is, where ever your attention goes, energy will follow.

Look towards doom and gloom and you will get more of it.

Look towards good and a solution and I guarantee you will be rewarded.

Below are 22 ‘words of wisdom’ to help you live an authentic life.

These are not mine. You may have seen it before, but we all need reminders from time to time.

Take what you can use from them.

22 Pieces Of Advice For Living Authentically

  1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
  2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
  3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
  4. When you say, “I love you,” mean it.
  5. When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.
  6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
  7. Believe in love at first sight.
  8. Never laugh at anyone’s dream. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.
  9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
  10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
  11. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
  12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
  13. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”
  14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
  15. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.
  16. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson
  17. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
  18. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
  19. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
  21. Spend some time alone.
  22. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

Have a parent that’s causing you stress? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on and maintain your relationship, and de-stress each day.

When Fractured Families Make Life Difficult For Parents

by

When Fractured Families Make Life Difficult For ParentsMany families in today’s world are what we would call “fractured”.

And this very common occurrence can cause major distress for many members of families.

It is difficult to work out why a loving family can sometimes turn on those that love them, but it is unbelievably common.

Is This Harder On Parents?

It is rare for all the family to be involved in the fracture but the power of one person can cause immense stress to many.

Often the reason the fracture has occurred can be distorted over time so the original cause is forgotten… but this impasse continues.

For the parent, this is very distressing and very difficult to deal with.

They may just bear it on their own or they may discuss it with other family members to try and get some sense of the situation that has occurred.

Either way, the effect on the parent’s health is unsurmountable.

Stress And The Immune System

While the study of pyscho-immunolgy, or the effect of stress on the immune system, is a relatively new science, there is no doubt that prolonged emotional stress will impact on the physical body eventually.

You can see more in this article: https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/mental-and-emotional-impact-of-stress/

It used to be considered that older people suffered less from anxiety and depression but this is now known to be untrue.

Anxiety disorders are the most common form of mental illness in USA affecting an estimated 40+million people.

While traumatic events like falls or acute illness may often trigger anxiety, the effects of long term family discord will always lead to such conditions…

And they may even lead to the fall or acute illness occurring, because prolonged stress does affect the immune system and a person’s ability to remain healthy and active.

Signs To Look Out For

So what are the signs of anxiety and distress in the elderly?

There are the common things like withdrawing from society, crying, insomnia, anger and so forth.

But for more information on the symptoms go to https://www.adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/older-adults/symptoms

Or watch this….

What To Do About It

If your parent is showing any of the symptoms, look at what is happening or has happened in their life, especially within their family.

You see, a parent will do anything for their child, no matter how old that child is.

It is something they never let go of.

Yes, they may not have been a perfect parent in the eyes of the child, but it is important to recognize they did the best they could with the skill set that they had.

Changes In Life Can Cause Discord

When a child marries or takes a partner another dynamic is thrown into the mix.

The partner may or may not have grown up with the same values and beliefs but it is important that this partner does not make the parent wrong.

What does need to happen though is the adult child must always remember whatever the parent has done they have done out of love. Rarely is their malice intended.

The role of (adult) children is to protect and speak up for on behalf of the parent as the parent no doubt did for them when they were a child.

You see for most people, when you were a child you adored your parent. You didn’t see their short comings, just the love they had for you and the way they guided you.

When you become a teenager, you hated your parent. They were unreasonable in your eyes when they were only guiding and protecting you to be safe and to enter the world of adult hood.

The Dilemma

As an adult your parent had prepared you for life and you wanted to make it on your own.

Your parent became less important in your life and, dare I say it, a little bit irritating as by this time you were able to think for yourself and objected to any influence they had on your life.

The parent had done their job but they may not always know it… because you are still their child and they want to continue to love, guide and protect you.

When they are old and frail they may become a burden on you, your life and your family but one thing is for sure…

When they are gone, you will miss them.

Help Decrease Stress & Anxiety

So have some compassion for your parent.

Mend all the rifts that may be plaguing your family so when the time comes say good bye to your parent free from any regrets.

Be proud that you did not contribute to your parent’s decline through sickness caused by stress and anxiety.

Help them to be the best they can be by giving back to them what they gave you – love.

Be a good example to your children and show them how to be a good child as an adult because you never know how your children or their partners will treat you when you are old!

Have a parent that’s causing you stress? Download our free Challenging Behaviors Guide to discover how you can figure out what’s going on and maintain the relationship with your parent.