Self Care

The importance of laughter

How much do you laugh in a day? If you are like me, not very much mainly because I live on my own. Now if you are like me, it is not something you really think too much about. You laugh when you are with people, but it is not so easy to go around your house laughing at nothing or at yourself. People coming round would think you have really lost it if you were.

So why is laughter so important? Well there are many benefits including it could actually save your life. Check this out:

So, does forced laughter work as well as laughing for a reason? Well apparently yes it does because the brain cannot distinguish between forced laughter and real laughter. The results are the same.

Now I know that in care facilities there is often a lot of laughter. – well there was when I worked in them, but did you know you could involve the residents in active laughter like Yogic Laughter? Take a look at this:

When I was up in India 11 year ago, I used to go for a walk around the town I was staying in. I used to see this group of men in the park, running around in a circle doing various actions with their bodies and laughing. This made me really curious to find out what they were doing. So I asked them. They told me “Laughing Yoga”. Well as it was all men, I cheekily asked if it was only for men? They replied “No! come and join in”. So I did. By the time I left to come home, some of the wives had come joined in.

Who invented Laughter Yoga? Well it was actually a doctor in India by medical Dr. Madan Kataria. He became “interested in growing body of scientific evidence showing that laughter is extremely beneficial to mental and physical health. He decided that more laughter was needed to improve health and cope with the stress of modern living and started a quest to find ways that laughter could be prescribed to patients and people who needed it.” You can find out more here.

So why is laugher so good for you? I know I said there are health benefits but what are they. Well, its like medicine so take a look at what it can do for your health.

Physical Benefits

Boost’s immunity
Lowers stress hormones.
Decreases pain.
Relaxes muscles.
Prevent heart disease.

Mental Benefits

Adds joy and zest to life.
Ease’s anxiety and tension
Relieves stress.
Improves mood.
Strengthens resilience.

Social benefits

Strengthens relationships.
Attracts others to us.
Enhances teamwork.
Helps defuse conflict.
Promotes group bonding.

So, if the above is not a good reason for having more laugher in your life, then I don’t know what is. There are also Laughter Yoga clubs around the country. You can find one in your area here. If there isn’t one in your area, then start one up with a group of friends. You can meet in the park, in someone house, in a hall or start one up in your facility.

Don’t underestimate the benefits of laughter. Norman Cousins famous book “The Anatomy of Illness” written in 1979 is a well-known book about how he cured himself of Ankylosing Spondylitis, a very painful collagen disease. So, get to it. Start laughing Today and restore your health and vitality. Something very much needed by so many today. You can see more on laughter in the Titbit sections

The Power of Resilience

by Leigh Kelly

This month I want to talk about resilience and the power it gives to you to bring happiness and joy into your life.

Whether we like it or not, no one ever has a charmed life free from adversity. The way each person copes with adversity is different. There is no right way to handle a crisis you are faced with. There is only your way.

We also need to understand that what one person frames as tragedy or disaster, may be framed and inconsequential by another. It is not up to us to judge another person’s crisis and the meaning it has to them. What is important is the tools that a person has to navigate the crisis to come out the other side intact; feeling alive, willing and wanting to face life or get back on the journey ahead of them.

So how do we learn resilience, the skill to rise above tragedy or adversity? Well, there is only one way and that is to experience these tough times in our life. Some people have to learn these experiences as a child through loss of a parent, abuse, living in a war zone or live through an earthquake. Some people don’t experience adversity till they are a teenager or an adult. One thing is for sure, every living person will experience a time or many times in their life where they have to find a way through torment or terror.

So, what are some tools people can use to get through? You will find some tools in the TED talks section below, and there are many more to be found on the internet, but I would like to share some of the tools that I use to get me through the tough times.

Firstly, watch what your internal dialogue is. What are you telling yourself? When my marriage broke up, my self esteem was at rock bottom. I had 3 children to care for and I did not expect my now ex-husband to leave. I thought there was something wrong with me and I didn’t have any skills to help me so I had to devise my own. The internet was not the wealth of information it is now so I had to develop my own. I distinctly remember standing in front of the mirror telling myself I was beautiful and giving myself some encouragement. This turned out to be a wonderful affirmation for myself to get through.

Secondly, when I would wake up in the early hours of the morning in despair, I would get out a journal and write down my feelings. I found that I could take control of my life by writing it down, using the strongest language I could muster, using words that I wouldn’t normally use in everyday life. When I had got it all out of my head, I would find I could go back to sleep. So, talk about it. Let out your feelings by writing or talking to a close friend or counsellor but don’t keep it inside you.

Another tool I used was to see myself in the future or my situation in the future. I would see myself as happy and whole and enjoying life. I was managing my life on my own really well and I didn’t need that other person to be there to get me through. In fact, what I found was myself, that had been lost in my marriage. I felt free.

Now none of these outcomes materialized overnight. It was a long process. I learnt heaps about myself, that I didn’t know. Perhaps the most significant one was I could be happy and whole without a partner.

So, these three tools, I have consistently used through out my life for I’m afraid that was not the only time I had to face adversity. There were others that followed but I got through them.

We have all been through trauma with the pandemic. Some more than others. This video has some very important points on getting though the pandemic. Use these tools to help your children. Teach them resilience and they can have the tools for life.

So, if times are tough for you right now, know that it will pass. It will not last forever. If you have financial worries, know that money does keep coming in. Sure, it may not be the amount of disposable income you would like, but it does still keep coming in. If your teenager is acting out, see them as happy, well-functioning people in the future. See yourself having fun with them, enjoying your time with them. Remember, this is not about them, this is about you getting through. You have no influence on other people, only yourself and how you get through your life experience.

I hope the tips I have shared here are helpful to get you through a tough time and know life is to enjoyed not endured.

What’s happened to society values?

by Leigh Kelly

I know I’ve been on a bit of a tangent these last few months, but this last week has caused me to question what has happened to society values.

Firstly, last week, I accidentally left my wallet on a counter in a shop. Now in the past in NZ, you would have been reminded that you had left your wallet by either the shop keeper (if they noticed) or a customer. In fact, that is what I would do today anyway.

However, this didn’t happen last week in my case. One of the 2 people behind me, picked it up and some hours later, took it up to the local supermarket and spent my cash – somewhere around 150.00. They then left my wallet somewhere near the supermarket where some law-abiding citizen handed it in to check out supervisor.

Now it just so happens a friend of mine is the duty manager at the supermarket, and when I told her that I would be unable to meet the next day as I had to replace my cards, she told me a wallet had been handed in. After my call, she checked for a name and sure enough it was mine. It was handed in at around 7pm. Now, I was at the supermarket that day at 13:58 to be exact (thanks to my Covid tracker diary). I used my wallet after that time, there is no way I was there at 7pm.

Another incident was where my daughter had asked me to pick up some groceries at another supermarket. She gave me her card to use as pay wave to pay for them. I got these items and returned the card to my pocket, so I thought, but it must have slid over the top and onto the floor at the check out. I realised this a short time later so returned to the supermarket to see if it had been handed in. Your right – no, it hadn’t.

Now fortunately, no money was taken out by pay wave in either case as blocks had been put on the cards fairly quickly, so I guess we’re both lucky in that way.

My question is this? What’s happened to our society? Why is it when people find something that doesn’t belong to them, and the item is clearly labeled with the owners name, do they not hand it in to the shop or the police? Why do they think it is their right to take what they can from someone else or attempt to take what they can from a person they do not know. Is this now COOL behaviour?

The same goes for stealing from residents or patients in our care. Theft is theft – game set and match. Oh, how I wish to return to the wonderful honest values of New Zealanders. While I do know there are still some good old fashioned honest people in New Zealand and I am realistic to realise that there have always been people who are opportunist theives. However, for me, I would never even consider not telling someone they had left their wallet on the counter or hand in a found credit/debit card on the floor and I’m sure there are still people like me. I guess I have been unlucky to have struck 2 incidents in one week where opportunists do not think like me.

The power of giving back

by Leigh Kelly

Last month I talked about being grateful for what we have. This month I am going to talk about the power of giving back or paying it forward.

So what has sparked this for me to want to write about it? Well last month I advertised on Face Book the library that is now available for professional development educations hours. One response came back with “About time nurses had protected education time and that it was paid for”

Now I didn’t respond to it because I do not feel we need to get into a tit for tat, right wrong sort of debate in a public forum like Face Book as there are too many negative posts on there any way.

However, my question is “Whose responsibility is your practicing certificate?” It is not the DHB or your employers. It is yours. If you don’t keep up with your professional development and fail the competencies for your practicing certificate, do you really think the DHB or your employer is going to enable you to keep working No! They will look to replace you tomorrow.

Do not think you are so precious and indispensable. Who every employs you owes you nothing? You owe it to yourself and your patients/residents/clients to keep up to date with current information AND pay for it yourself. You can look at it as paying it forward: being grateful that you have work because a lot of people don’t. Think more about what you can contribute rather than what you can take. What has happened to our community? Is it no longer cool to give back?

This year, I have purchased for my grandchildren so cards Acts of Kindness or AOK. These cards are about encouraging people to be kind. The first card I picked up said “Children love toys under the tree. Buy something for someone not as lucky as me.” The next card I pulled was “Candy canes are a Christmas treat. Leave some for strangers now that would be neat.” The third care said “Ring someone for no reason at all. Tell them you love them on that call.”

Now it struck me that if we could foster some of this kindness in our workplace, then what a great place it would be. Instead of your employer thanking you, why don’t you thank them for a change. Instead of your employer paying for you to work and train, why don’t you pay for your own training to thank your employer for giving you the opportunity to work.

I know it is easy to think your employer has an infinite amount of money and can pay to keep you in work. The reality is they do not have a pot of gold available to pay for everything they would like. I am sure they would like to pay you more. I’m sure they would love to be able to give all the staff you need to make your job easier. I’m sure they would love to be able to pay for unlimited training to keep your skills up. But they don’t.

Having a job is a privilege not a right. Show some gratitude towards your employer and do something for them this Christmas. Show them you appreciate them: that they do not only help you put food on the table and roof over the head of your family. That you appreciate them giving you the opportunity to feel worthwhile and valued; that they give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning. That they give you a reason to smile each day and care.

Remember giving back doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. It is the little things that count. 2020 has been a hard year for everyone so why not let’s make 2121 a year of giving and forgiving. Of loving and appreciating everyone around you. Of spreading love, not gossip and falsehoods.

May your Christmas be one of joy and giving. Of loving and laughter. Of joy and thankfulness. Till next year. Merry Christmas.

How much do you value your freedom?

by Leigh Kelly

We have all had a taste of what it is like not to be able to do what we want when we want and for many it took a bit of getting used to. Freedom is something that we take for granted in New Zealand. It’s something that is not so readily available for many other countries so having a taste of being restricted is not such a bad thing for us. Have you ever wonder what is freedom to you?

I know for myself I had never thought about not being able to hop in the car and go wherever I wanted. I have been driving since I was 15 so it is part of who I am. Having to stay home in my own little haven, was at times a bit challenging but I learnt other ways to keep in contact with my friends and family. I no longer take others for granted and I now will pick up the phone to talk to my friends more. While I do spend a considerable amount of time on the phone talking to owners and managers of facilities and organisations about Care Training Online, I have been a bit less forthcoming on picking up the phone to call others or find other ways to connect with friends and family.

So, over this time, I have joined House Party which is a face to face social networking AP. It is a great way to talk to a group of people. I now can talk regularly to my sisters together, so I don’t have to make individual calls – and we can see each other too.

I have learnt to use Zoom which is another networking tool used by many businesses to keep in contact with clients and staff who work remotely or at home. I use it for business, for Rotary and for other networking groups. Being able to see people face to face you get all the facial expression that are missed by phone or email really enhances communication.

I have also learnt to use Messenger for calls and for video groups. This is a way I keep in contact with another group of people. And of course, there is also Facetime. So many options to choose from. So being in lockdown has taught me to find other more effective ways to communicate. I have mentioned some of these in this newsletter but check our this video on ways people kept in communication with others during lockdown.

I’ve heard that many facilities were able to use some of these mediums to keep the families connected with their loved ones. This is what is so amazing about the people who choose to work in residential care be it with the elderly or disability sector; so many of you go beyond the call of duty to make sure your residents and their families are kept up to date with their loved ones and this is in addition to your normal workload. This is what caring is all about.

Now while many of you have felt overloaded and underappreciated, certainly in the past, I do hope you are not saying that now. The whole country and families now see the value you add to their lives and their loved ones. If you troll through Facebook, there are many positive comments about how well you all did to keep everyone safe not to mention the wonderful photos and videos you posted of your team at work making people happy.

Sure, there was some negative comments, but you cannot take those one board. There are always people who keep their glasses half empty. Even though man of us learnt to focus on the negative rather than the positive in our school system, it is not too hard to change the way you think. How many of you focused on the red crosses in our tests – the incorrect answer, rather than the blue ticks that were correct. You have to shift away from that. It serves no purpose for you or anyone else.

So negative comments or red crosses are actually learning experiences. That is all. Just like failing in anything, it is an opportunity to do better or do something different. Why don’t you count the number of learning experiences you had each day, rather than the number of things you did wrong or got wrong.

So today my message is this. Everything you do in life is good – be it correct or incorrect in the eyes of others because each you learn from what you do. You keep repeating what you do well and get congratulated for and you stop repeating what was done incorrectly. Both have their rewards. It’s just the way you look at it. If you listen to this video about turning failure into success, the message is very clear – there is no such thing is failure but you do need to be your authentic self.

What will we learn from this time in history?

by Leigh Kelly

There have and always will be defining moments in our lives as there has been throughout history. Like after the second world war, and I am old enough to remember this time, there was a huge period of growth. Things were not the same for anyone. Many families were left without their bread winner and mothers and fathers without their sons but through all this, the world survive and prospered through this time with a huge amount of growth and prosperity.

It was such a productive time. New jobs emerged, new ideas grew, and life developed a new normal. But like in any war or catastrophe, we found out the good in people in the community. People started taking care of each other. They started valuing their children and families. They started talking to each other and smiling at people they didn’t know or waving out to a stranger. They were taking the time to see what is around. They treasured their freedom, something that is not a given in so many places around the world. They got to appreciate each other. Just like after the Canterbury earthquakes, people gathered together, thought about each other more and got in and helped.

The same is going to happen now. Many people will start to think about their lives, what it means and how can they make changes. Many will realise they have been chasing their tails, going around in circles, doing a job they don’t like and will be looking for a change. People are now starting to appreciate and acknowledge others with a smile and eye contact. Something that had been lost.

However, that will not be the case for your industry. While you are lucky to have ongoing guaranteed employment and income something denied so many at present, I am hearing the stress of the managers. I only handful of people last week, basically to see how they are going. Everyone is so busy, and unlike those who are having the time to sit and reflect, play with their children, and watch all those TV programmes they have longed to watch, it is not a luxury you have. You still have the residents, their families and colleagues to think about not to mention your own families and keeping yourself safe and healthy. But you do have an income.

I wish there was a way in which I could help you, but I can’t. All I can say is I take my hat off to you and salute you. You are the backbone and stability that all those in your care so appreciate. It is, at times, backbreaking but it is also, at times, joyous and rewarding. The country is very lucky to have you all and with so many people now being out of work, it may well be that people now look for a career change and consider becoming a support worker or caregiver.

My thoughts are with you. Stay safe. Stay well and in all of this do take care of yourself as well as others. You do matter.

I would like to finish with this article written by a very respected New Zealander – Mike Hutchison. He has some very wise words here. “Let’s not say we are too small. Let’s be the mouse that roars”. Opportunities await for the brave and the bold.

Self Care

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